If the Past Resurfaces, Smile and See How You've Grown

Starvation is my personal salvation.
It won me this little continuation
Of a book I'd left unread,
Another song stuck in my head,
A realization of my mortality
At the price of some vitality.

Such a small price to pay
For a life so great.
Picutre this: scars on my arms
But smiles in their hearts,
For I'm laughing, joking like I used to
And they don't know what I do.

Yes, I do know the consequences
Of crossing bridges and leaping fences
But what's a few wounds between friends?
It's nothing another joke can't mend.
You may not approve of these little habits
But it's better than dying, isn't it?

I can't help but believe
These things are helping me relieve
The stress and hurt pent up inside,
Preventing my actual suicide.
Yes, not eating will show my bones
But I'm not like modern cell phones

Shrinking and shrinking till there's nothing left.
Wait, it was the scars you said you liked best?
Well, there's plenty; take a few and leave me the rest.
Then I'll cry and bleed in my prettiest dress
So you can see the extent of my distress.
Sometimes you have to free your pets.

This is something I had written a year ago. This was the result of my surprising relief when people didn't ask questions about the scars, the wounds, or the lack of eating. Yeah, that was me. I was suffering from both cutting and anorexia, both of which are types of self-injury. I found it moments ago in my room when I was looking through the papers on my cluttered desk. I had been looking for something in particular, but when I found and read this, I stopped looking and came back to post this. Why, you ask? Simple. That was me then. Relieved about the lack of questions bombarding me, trying to justify what it was I was doing to myself. Look at me now. I'm struggling now to heal from those things, but not to forget. And here I am fighting to raise awareness to the healing and prevention of self-injury, which was a demon that has been holding onto me for four years. I want you to ask questions. I want you to open your eyes and see what's standing in front of you. If you can't see what I'm pointing to, then I'll tell you. Standing in front of you is a living, breathing testimony. Standing here before your eyes is what you can be if you take hold of the hope that has been sent your way. You can be healed too. You can turn your weakness into a strength for others. You don't have to cut, burn, or starve yourself. You can stop. It isn't easy, but just imagine the things you can do once you've attained that goal. Imagine. Gosh, it takes my breath away, honestly, to think of what any of you can do. You can turn your terrible experience into a tool for leading others to the same light you yourself found. Just touch the hope. Embrace it. Love it. Hope is here, like I always say. And it can save you. You just have to know its name, its origins. You just have to embrace it, love it, and live for it. For Him. Through Christ I can do all things, and you can too.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go all religious without warning, but you knew this was coming. This is what I'm about; healing through faith in Christ. He is the only way. He is the Hope. The Hope is here.